Talking to children about suicide
Discussing suicide with children is a delicate yet essential task. Honest and age-appropriate conversations can help them process grief and foster trust. Avoiding or distorting the truth may lead to confusion and erode credibility. Children might eventually learn the facts from other sources, potentially harming their trust in you and hindering their emotional healing. Unresolved grief can have long-term negative effects on a child's well-being.
Considerations When Talking to Children About Suicide:
- Age and Development: Tailor the conversation to the child's age and maturity level. Younger children require simpler explanations, while teenagers can handle more detailed discussions.
- Personality and Relationship: Consider the child's temperament and their relationship to the deceased. This will guide how you approach the topic and provide support.
Guidelines For The Conversation:
- Be Honest and Direct: Provide truthful information in a compassionate manner. Avoid euphemisms or vague explanations.
- Keep It Simple: Use clear and straightforward language. Avoid overwhelming them with excessive details.
- Encourage Questions: Allow children to ask questions and express their feelings. Respond to their inquiries honestly, fostering an open dialogue.
- Monitor Reactions: Children may exhibit a range of emotions, from distress to seeming disinterest. Be patient and provide reassurance.
- Include Them in Rituals: Involve children in family grieving processes, such as funerals or memorial services, to help them understand and cope with the loss.
- Provide Ongoing Support: Grieving is a process. Continue to offer support and check in on their emotional well-being over time.
Just like adults, young people bereaved by suicide are likely to feel a range of the following thoughts, feelings and reactions. Let them know these are normal and okay. Let them find ways to express them, but be ready to allow them to keep them inside for a while too, if that’s helpful. Everyone is different in how they respond to loss—whatever their age. Never tell them HOW to feel or think or discourage them from expressing difficult emotions. These are a natural part of the grief process—though they can be hard to see and hear.
- You are loved—and will be taken care of and supported.
- You are safe.
- It’s not your fault in any way at all—nothing you did or didn’t say or do caused this. (This message needs to be repeated over and over again.)
- It’s okay to talk about him/her with me/us and to ask questions.
- You will not always feel the way you do now. Things will get better, and a bit less painful, a little every day. (They need to have a sense of hope.)
- You’re feeling grief and sadness because you loved/cared about XX. Everyone’s different so we all grieve in different ways. There are no rules or right or wrong ways to feel or think after someone dies. You can do it your way.
- XX wasn‘t a bad person. XX was a very ill person who wasn’t able to make a good choice.
- Not everyone who feels very sad or gets ill with depression will die by suicide. There are doctors and others who help, and mostly people get well again and are helped to manage their strong feelings and thoughts. Suicide is not common.
By approaching the topic with honesty and sensitivity, you help children navigate their emotions and build resilience in the face of tragedy.